Psychologists Shouldn’t Ignore the Soul

Uncategorized

A good friend sent me this article from The Wall Street Journal. Enjoy!

Mr. Rosmarin, an Assistant Professor at Harvard Medical School writes:

In my first six months as a psychology intern at McLean Hospital, I was approached by 10 patients asking essentially the same question: Can I speak to you about God? They wanted to discuss their problems not in psychological terms but in spiritual ones.

It was hardly surprising that patients wanted to talk about God. Psychological science has consistently shown that spirituality can shape someone thinks. “Religion and spirituality have the ability to promote or damage mental health.”

For many patients their spiritual lives provide hope, meaning, purpose and a connection to the divine. All of this can serve as a resource to cope with emotional distress. But spiritual life can also be a struggle. Some feel unjustly punished by God. Having spiritual concerns can cause emotional pain.  Ignoring spirituality feels like a form of malpractice.

I’m not sure that the field of psychotherapy as a whole is ready to evolve toward a more spiritual conversation. But for now I am grateful to have not only permission to talk to God, but a professional duty to do so.”

Mr. Rosmarin is the director of the Spirituality and Mental Health Program sat McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA.

 

Stories We Live By-Part 2

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I wonder what messages you might have attached to my prose poem, Bronx Child, shared with you last month. You might have felt sorry for this little girl who ate her lunch alone everyday, or you might have experienced her as an independent, self-reliant child who could take care of herself. Maybe you had a different reaction. Children aren’t rational in their story telling. They are just trying to make sense of their experiences. Whatever meaning children attach to these stories, these meanings stay rooted in our minds and have a direct influence on our behaviors as adults.

It’s so important to review your life story to see how the words you speak to yourself are enriching your life or limiting it. Anyone can change his or her life story. The first step is realizing you have one. The next step is to challenge your beliefs about it. The final step is authoring your life.

Our stories express what we believe we are and who we believe we can be. They define us.  Stories can be positive. Narratives like “I’m great with kids,” or “Kids are my calling,” can inspire us, they encourage us to show up confidently and authentically in our relationships with others. Often though our stories have less positive effects. Stories like “People always let me down,” become self-fulfilling prophecies. They convince us we’ll never get what we want. They are absolute.

It’s important to see your story. Look at the life you’ve created and the patterns that have played out. What are the most meaningful moments? Write them down.

If you find a pattern where you are habitually putting yourself down that may signal a story of unworthiness and this limits and disempowers you. Write down those negative patterns as well.

Examine what you’ve written down and challenge your thoughts to see which of them reflects who you are now and who you’d like to be.

Begin writing your new autobiography incrementally. Rome wasn’t built in a day! Small steady actions are more effective than big dramatic affirmations. Create a reasonable story that you can grow into.

Caution: Stress will make us more vulnerable to negative thinking, likely to fall back into old patterns. The moment you hear an old story rumbling around in your head, STOP LISTENING!  Do something different, helpful and healthy. Remember my favorite saying: “In times of stress we all regress!”

Von-Burg_Life-Story copy1441629557172

Stories We Live By

Uncategorized

By Marla ChalnickVon-Burg_Life-Story copy

My best friend gives me a subscription to Real Simple magazine every year. I mostly browse through and read the recipes before tossing it in the recycling! This month I noticed an article on Telling Your Life Story. This is a favorite topic of mine. I am always on the lookout for the benefits of the stories we tell ourselves and others and the importance of the words we choose.

The author of this article, Jenifer Lindley believes that we naturally think of our lives as stories. Changing the way, you tell your story can help you weather the plot twists that come your way.

Dr. Jonathan Adler believes stories are how we make sense of our lives.

As we describe our narrative, we can hold on to the important parts, filter out the trivial, and find a meaningful pattern in it all. Like an editor, our brains pull out significant conflicts, important characters and turning points to shape our sense of who we are. You are both the main character of your story and the narrator of your life. You may not have control over all your circumstances, but you can choose how to tell the story.

You may be a person who describes the most deflating interpretation of your circumstances. Researchers at Northwestern University interviewed hundreds of people to learn their life stories. They found that individuals who weave ‘contamination stories’, score lower on levels of well-being than those who tell “redemption stories” that emphasize the silver lining.

The field of ‘narrative psychology’ is growing and researchers and therapists are finding practical, do-it-now ways you can tweak your own inner stories. Such edits can help you become more resilient, have better relationships and make better decisions. I’ll share specific, useful ideas about how you can fine-tune your story in my next blog.  Please stay tuned!

 

 

Anxiety Answers by Marla Chalnick

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anxiety couple

Written by Mum on the Run. (Condensed and Edited)

To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety,

You might have guessed, or she may have told you, but either way there are things you should know about ANXIETY,

Anxiety isn’t one size fits all; it isn’t consistent and sometimes it’s hard to recognize. You might think she just snapped at you, but it was anxiety that did it. You might think she’s angry, but it’s anxiety that has a choke hold.  You might think she’s not enjoying herself when you go out and it’s your fault, but that’s not it at all. It’s anxiety.

There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t think. She thinks about everything and usually it’s the worst case scenario. She worries that something will go wrong. She worries if she leaves the house something terrible will happen. She worries about her kids, her parents and about you. That’s why she texts you 100 times a day. She has to check on you or she feels like her head will explode.

Sometimes she wonders why you’re with her. If you knew about her anxiety would you still be there? Would you regret it? Would you rather be with someone else?

She wants you to know that she’s recognizes this is tough on you; the pressure on you is immense. Don’t think for a second she doesn’t love and appreciate you. She knows you want to fix her, but you can’t. She’s not broken.

But, you can help. You can see when things get overwhelming. Take her hand and tell her you’re with her. You can do things with her, or take over and tell her to sit down and breathe. Sometimes she won’t know what she needs, but as long as you are patient, she will feel your love.

Anxiety is heartbreaking. She wishes she could be free. Free of the voice that follows her around listing her insecurities.

She appreciates you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared. Knowing you are by her side, she is fiercely loyal. Forever and ever, you just need to take her hand and tell her: “I am with you.”

Love,

A wife, a woman, a mum who has anxiety

Counseling At A Distance

anxiety, chronic illness, counseling, depression

Back in May. 2015 I wrote my first blog about telephone counseling. Over the last few months, I concentrated on becoming a Distance Certified Counselor. Many states are recognizing the benefits of working in creative ways to reach clients, who because of geography, chronic disease or disability are unable to receive counseling in the typical face to face method.

Distance Counseling is nothing new. Sigmund Freud often corresponded with his patients by letter in between regularly scheduled appointments.  Its popularity has increased over the last 20 years as the therapeutic world embraced the digital world. I participate in distance counseling in order to reach a wider range of people in various locations and to reach people who are unable to participate in typical face to face sessions.

Distance Counseling is an approach that takes the best practices of traditional counseling as well as some of its own unique advantages and adapts them for delivery to clients using electronic means.  I prefer using telephone, teleconferencing, and texting when working with my clients. We now know some clients prefer the anonymity of a distance counseling relationship and are more likely to open up and self-disclose than they would be in a traditional counseling setting.

Distance Counseling is accessible.

            Distance Counseling is convenient.

            Distance counseling provides anonymity.

For those individuals who are ambivalent about therapy or who may be uncomfortable with traditional models of therapy, Distance Counseling may be your answer. This is particularly true for individuals who are suffering social phobia, agoraphobia or anxiety disorders.

If Distance Counseling if intriguing to you, please be give me a call.

 

 

The Benefits of Baking by Marla Chalnick

gratitrude, Stress, Uncategorized

dear-stress-lets-break-upPeople who bake use any excuse to heat up their ovens. They bake a cake to crown someone’s birthday, labor over cookies to celebrate a holiday, and whip up brownies because everyone loves chocolate. But it turns out that baking is about more than creating something sweet to eat. Baking, especially when it’s done for others, can be accompanied with a host of psychological benefits.

Baking is a productive form of self-expression and communication.

“Baking has the benefit of allowing people creative expression,” associate professor of psychological and brain sciences at Boston University, Donna Pincus, told HuffPost. “There’s a lot of literature for connection between creative expression and overall wellbeing. Whether it’s painting or it’s making music [or baking], there is a stress relief that people get from having some kind of an outlet and a way to express themselves.”

Stress is related to a host of mental and physical problems, and finding ways to cope with that stress is important for leading a healthy life.

Here is a stress relief that people get from having some kind of an outlet and a way to express themselves.”

Stress is related to a host of mental and physical problems, and finding ways to cope with that stress is important for leading a healthy life.

When baking for other people, baking can also be a helpful way to communicate one’s feelings. Susan Whitbourne, professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts, points to the cultural norm of bringing food to someone when a loved one has passed. Sometimes there are no words, and only food can communicate what you’re trying to say. She told HuffPost, “It can be helpful for people who have difficulty expressing their feelings in words to show thanks, appreciation or sympathy with baked goods.”

Julie Ohana, a licensed medical social worker and culinary art therapist, told HuffPost, “In many cultures, in many countries, food really is an expression of love, and it’s actually beautiful because it’s something we really all relate to. I think it could border on an unhealthy issue when it replaces communication in the traditional sense, but if it’s done along with communication, it is absolutely a positive and really wonderful thing.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brighten Your Days: Don’t Be SAD

anxiety, depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Stress

By Marla Chalnick, Ph.D., LPCsad-winter-depression

Winter means different things to different people. Aside from having to deal with ice, I look forward to the crisp temperatures with great anticipation.  Others may see winter as just the inconvenient interlude between summers. For many people, winter can be down right depressing. They may be suffering from seasonal affective disorder (SAD); a condition that is similar to depression, except it appears only in the winter months.

SAD affects roughly 6% of the adult population of the United States. Women are more affected by SAD, but there are cases of men and children who experience it as well.  SAD can begin as early as September and last until April. The most difficult months are December, January and February because SAD is directly related to the amount of light that is absorbed through the eyes.

The symptoms of SAD occur regularly each winter and may include a number of the following: sleep problems (too much or too little), lethargy (feeling fatigued and unable to carry out daily tasks), difficulty concentrating, overeating (craving carbohydrates and sweet foods), depression, anxiety, and withdrawal from friends and family. In children, symptoms include irritability, difficulty getting out of bed and school problems in the fall and winter.

Dr. Norman Rosenthal, clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University, helped discover the disorder and its treatment in the 1980’s. Dr. Rosenthal described his arrival in the United States from South Africa to complete his residency in psychiatry.

“I was born and raised in South Africa where the geographical climate is very, very pleasant, the seasons blend into one another. And then I came to New York City. I arrived in the summer, and the days were wonderfully long and I was full of energy and enthusiasm.

But then as the days got shorter, something began to happen to me, especially after the daylight savings time change occurred. Suddenly, I felt myself slowed down, less able to carry through on all the projects I picked up during the summer, reluctant to get out of bed and get going in the morning. I sort of soldiered on through the winter until the spring, when it all seemed to get better.”

Light therapy has proven to be an effective therapy in up to 85 per cent of cases of SAD. It consists of using a light box with high intensity florescent lights. Treatment consists of daily half hour to two-hour sessions of sitting in front of the light box, where you can read, eat or do other daily activities. While light therapy is generally the first line of defense, antidepressant medication maybe helpful.  Counseling or any other complementary therapy that teaches relaxation, stress management, adaptation and coping skills can also be useful.

And, if you are very fortunate, take a winter vacation to a warm, sunny place. Spending a week or two in the warm sunshine will have lasting benefits when you return to your winter climate. It’s like “recharging” your batteries. I’ve always wanted to go to Bermuda, how about you?

Winter means different things to different people. Aside from having to deal with ice, I look forward to the crisp temperatures with great anticipation.  Others may see winter as just the inconvenient interlude between summers. For many people, winter can be down right depressing. They may be suffering from seasonal affective disorder (SAD); a condition that is similar to depression, except it appears only in the winter months.

SAD affects roughly 6% of the adult population of the United States. Women are more affected by SAD, but there are cases of men and children who experience it as well.  SAD can begin as early as September and last until April. The most difficult months are December, January and February because SAD is directly related to the amount of light that is absorbed through the eyes.

The symptoms of SAD occur regularly each winter and may include a number of the following: sleep problems (too much or too little), lethargy (feeling fatigued and unable to carry out daily tasks), difficulty concentrating, overeating (craving carbohydrates and sweet foods), depression, anxiety, and withdrawal from friends and family. In children, symptoms include irritability, difficulty getting out of bed and school problems in the fall and winter.

Dr. Norman Rosenthal, clinical professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University, helped discover the disorder and its treatment in the 1980’s. Dr. Rosenthal described his arrival in the United States from South Africa to complete his residency in psychiatry.

“I was born and raised in South Africa where the geographical climate is very, very pleasant, the seasons blend into one another. And then I came to New York City. I arrived in the summer, and the days were wonderfully long and I was full of energy and enthusiasm.

But then as the days got shorter, something began to happen to me, especially after the daylight savings time change occurred. Suddenly, I felt myself slowed down, less able to carry through on all the projects I picked up during the summer, reluctant to get out of bed and get going in the morning. I sort of soldiered on through the winter until the spring, when it all seemed to get better.”

Light therapy has proven to be an effective therapy in up to 85 per cent of cases of SAD. It consists of using a light box with high intensity florescent lights. Treatment consists of daily half hour to two-hour sessions of sitting in front of the light box, where you can read, eat or do other daily activities. While light therapy is generally the first line of defense, antidepressant medication maybe helpful.  Counseling or any other complementary therapy that teaches relaxation, stress management, adaptation and coping skills can also be useful.

And, if you are very fortunate, take a winter vacation to a warm, sunny place. Spending a week or two in the warm sunshine will have lasting benefits when you return to your winter climate. It’s like “recharging” your batteries. I’ve always wanted to go to Bermuda, how about you


 

 

Being a Loner and Finding Love: Is It Incompatible?

anxiety, counseling, Loneliness, Solitude

 

I recloner loveently read an article on the Lonerwolf website (http://www.lonerwolf.com) discussing this apparent opposition and I thought you might be interested in it as well.

Alethia Luna suggests that being a loner comes with an unspoken “job description.” 1) You like spending most of your time alone. 2) You are self-sufficient and don’t “need” other people to fill your life, and 3) Socializing is your nemesis.

If you consider yourself a loner, this job description may give you a sense of relief from social burdens, but also a sense of loneliness just below the surface.  But how can you be a loner that enjoys your solitude but still desire to find a friend or a lover? Isn’t this completely incompatible with who you are? I think not and here’s why:

  1. Wanting to find love and friendship is normal-for any personality type.
  • Aristotle once said, “Man be nature is a social animal.” This doesn’t mean that he always enjoyed socializing, but may naturally gravitate towards collaboration with others.
  1. You don’t have to be inauthentic to find someone you authentically connect with.
  • Pretending to be someone you’re not is a certain recipe for disaster. There are unlimited ways to find and connect with people who resonate with you.
  1. Don’t let your self-definition bog you down.
  • When identifying with a label can make you feel accepted and understood, it can also box you in and restrict you. You may be a loner, but you are also many other things. You are multilayered!
  1. Think about what is really holding you back from finding love.

Perhaps your identification with the loner label is holding you back, or perhaps something else. Close relationships may have wounded you in the past, creating fear, anxiety and inability to trust in the present. Making new connections is difficult for most everybody. You are not the only one struggling with this. Consider counseling if this is an issue you can’t seem to wade through by yourself.

Besides from giving you self-concept a space to breathe, REMEMBER TO GIVE YOURSELF TIME. It is difficult to go from a homebody to a socialize overnight. Take baby steps ad be patient, but don’t give up on finding LOVE.